Ver la versión completa : Jokes

24/06/2009, 18:58
Here, a space for a jokes, in English jeje...

Kids are KIDS SOOOOO Smart and intelligents, great too!

Kids Are Quick :mrgreen:

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'


TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?


TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same
as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

24/06/2009, 19:02

Great, Jud, great!!!!!!!!!!!

I like it!!!

24/06/2009, 19:24
Bumper Stickers:

So many cats.... So little time.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Don't Follow me I am LOST!!!

Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!

Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic jam.

Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.

Don't delay, paint today
"It is Mind over Matter... If you ain't go no mind... It don't Matter"

I may be slow but I'm in front of you.

DANGER: I drive like you do!

Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.

If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?

I don't drive fast I fly low

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk

It's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion in the ocean.

Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.

Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get you.

Study long study wrong.

I tried being normal once. . .I didn't like it.

I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.

Horn Broken...Watch For Finger.

Everything Is Somewhere.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure...

I love cats.....they taste just like chicken.

If it isn't broken...fix it until it is!

Keep America clean...swallow your beer cans.

Smile.........show off your teeth

The more I learn, the less I understand.

I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.

If you can read this, I am parked.

I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.

All generalizations are false.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let her sleep!!

I took an IQ test and the results were negative

Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist

Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.

I'm objective, I object to everything.

Life is a terminal disease.

Conserve water - Shower with a friend

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.

In God we trust, all others must pay cash.

24/06/2009, 19:38
Jajajajajajajajajaja... are great, made me laugh very mouch :mrgreen:

26/06/2009, 18:57
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

26/06/2009, 19:01
Want a day off work?

So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

16/09/2009, 17:47

16/09/2009, 17:52
Jajajajajajajaja... you see? That's why I never accept them jajajajaja

16/09/2009, 18:19
Jajajajajajajaja... you see? That's why I never accept them jajajajaja

jajajajajajaja Just for the record: I'm not a sociopath!!!!! jajajajaja :mrgreen: